Whenever I turn on my flip camera and start to partake in my new fave hobby, You Tube blabbering there’s so many times I drift in to Bowie territory. It makes me realize what a huge impact working with someone like that made on me and what a massive amount I learned. He has an ability to teach you things without even trying, he inspires merely by presence. He remains the consummate star and I think now is the time for someone to open The Star Academy with the sublime DB as it’s patron.

Until then we are a nation, or several nations obsessed with ‘fake celebrity.’ False idols, impersonators, pretenders and prats. Celebrities aren’t stars anymore. Stars are stars and celebrities are well, celeb bitties, part actors,bits of celery. They’re becoming a nuisance and you people out there need to stop being fascinated by them because frankly your starting to piss me off . If nobody watched them then there would be no demand and without demand we wouldn’t have the shit that was on the TV. One day it will reach fever point and one of them will be assassinated. I may even be that assassin.

Now it’s a while since I ranted on here. Well maybe not but who cares. Why pray, are we attracted to losers? And don’t give me that bollocks, ‘it’s about the underdogs.’ Bullshit, underdogs and dogs are two completely different dogs. They shit and they walk and the sooner they walk the sooner we’ll be rid of this shit. Everywhere you look nowadays there’s more and more gonzo TV. Hunter S Thompson pioneered the phrase ‘gonzo journalism,’ my ditty is ‘gonzo TV.’ Inane for the insane, if you’re mad enough to watch it your mad enough to deserve it. Is this what TV producers think people want to watch? Clearly they’re right and I’m wrong. If I made TV shows I wouldn’t want to put my name to one of these, where’s their sense of any pride, don’t they want to show people what they are capable of rather than lowest common denominator television? I suppose, and in their defense it’s about not having the money to make decent TV anymore.

Why if you had talent would you want to work with talentless toss pots who either have tits or buy them? And if it’s the latter it gets turned in to a series about implants, who has them, why they have them, how they are made and look at what they came out like. I’m not against tits, I think they’re excellent  but there’s a time and a place for them. And it’s not on the TV and especially if they’re not yours.

I was particularly saddened yesterday looking at The Sun (not that one, the English tabloid.) I went on line curious to see what they had to say about Manchester United’s destruction of AC Milan and there emblazoned on the front cover was a story about Take That’s Mark Owen. I read it and went back over the previous story and it took me back to some really enjoyable times working with the guys in the 90’s back in the UK. More on Mark’s demons in a future blog but for now let’s stay happy.

For me Take That started the whole boy band thing and when they reformed and came back with that song ‘Precious’ I thought, ‘Oh My God, the first all man band! ‘What an amazing song and what a triumphant return. When a band return as good, even better than the first time it’s plaudits all round, and especially when they aren’t trying to be what they were. It shows great belief in yourself to come back and not want to do what you did before, be a shadow of your former self. While the dance routines change so has the audience. Fond memories are still evoked yet people think, shit that’s real talent. Of course a lot of the well loved songs are in there but they’re not pretending to be twenty any more. For me one of the greatest ever comebacks and splitting when they did was, on reflection probably the right thing to do. Although when I was at BMG and present at the press conference they held at an hotel at Manchester Airport to announce the split to the world’s media I was thinking, what the ….

Take That proved that you can go away, do what you have to do, take time away from each other and do solo projects or just chill and then when the time is right, go for it. It’s a shame they didn’t crack America but back then it was all Justin with his N Sncys and no one was interested. And that knobhead Louis Pearlman was  doing the do and projected them in to the stratosphere. He got  a little greedy though our Louis. I wonder what he’s doing now?……N sync were OK but there were some dodgy wax chested impersonators around at the time who pale in comparison( and chest hair) to those fab boys from my home town of Manchester, England.

With the phenomenal success of Take That you can happily advocate the reforming of bands. If there is a purpose there is always a reason and Take That reforming was a purposeful reason! It made everyone sit up and become aware of a how an act can mature through years. And what’s more they didn’t need the boy Williams and were right not to recruit him especially when his career needed it. Remember how you used to slag them off Robbie?

Simon Cowell has a whole lot to thank Take That for, he didn’t find them and he never found any boy bands half as good as them..

He has never believed in careers and yet he claims that hearing Elvis was the first time he heard rock and roll?  So if he heard it then it must have made an impact, surely?  And does it not impress him that Elvis, the first artist he really heard as a kid is still an icon today, a true idol? Also ‘She loves you’ by The Beatles was the firsr record he asked his mother to buy for him, that must have had an affect to, right? You sent your mum out damn it! And the same scenario, longevity and careers. It didn’t though and maybe not even wanting to go with his mother to the store to buy the record and sense the excitement said it all, even way back then. He never cared about the music, just the functionality of it. The like, the must want and the must have.

He also says Bob Dylan wouldn’t have been chosen for American Idol, we’d have left him crying in a car park in Idaho and Simon Cowell wouldn’t have cared. But what about the rest of us? Who cares, no Mr Tamborine Man, no All Along the Watchtower and no career if that had been the make of of And R people back then. But fortunately we had people like John Hammond who cared enough to bring through the real artists, they cared about talent and not about themselves. They knew the pedigree of an artist and had the faith to allow them to develop. They helped one another, there were no puppets signed and told to do as they (the A and R people) said and if they didn’t they wouldn’t work with them. It was a collaboration, it was a democracy and a republic. There were no dictators.

So he doesn’t believe in careers, he was influenced by people who had them and still have them and somehow would have passed on Dylan? No comprehendo, Dylan was Dylan because of Dylan and going back to what I said in the previous blog about Elton John, great artists know better than anyone what they have and understand how to cultivate that. Sure they need help but they don’t need anyone doing everything, they’re not that insecure to feel it’s necessary. They are happy to develop and grow at arate that is comfortable for everyone. When you do that people notice, the artist notices and the record company notices. And grow they do, and sustain they do. Careers are born and the spoils follow, and yet we went and destroyed all that so that a few people could own an industry.

If Bob Dylan had been allowed to come through today then Simon wouldn’t have been noticed as much. Weird because Dylan and Elvis left a legacy and Taylor Hicks didn’t………….or Fantasia or Reuben etc etc. The legacy  that remains from all of this is that of Simon Cowell and the power he yields controls his destiny whether with Idol or X Factor. Power destroys everything and everyone in it’s way and for Simon it will have to be his way to work. Music changed our lives and for the better, certainly from where I’m standing and now its changed again. But this time not through a musical revolution be it  rock and roll or punk. I’m not alone in thinking it’s not in all our best interests.

An idol is Elvis, Lennon or James Dean and we’re a long way off that. Idols’ retain their thrones , they don’t come and go. Idols aren’t popular for a while they live forever. Idol means something you worship,  are we now ‘worshiping’ talent show winners?Whatever you think of any of them an idol is ‘an image of a deity other than God. ‘ A God or  goddess, why in the hell are we creating false Gods from American Idol? Daughtry is a rocker, he’s not a God and neither is Fantasia a Goddess. And as for Taylor Hicks, curiously not quite a God.

It was amazing to think how old the footage was, from late 90’s and a program featuring Happy Mondays. The funniest thing of all was it has been screened numerous times over the years as an ‘educational program.’ Information Technology was the title of the show though Lord knows how Happy Mondays made it in to a BBC educational show!. Having written a book about the lessons I learned from rock and roll strangely enough The Mondays were absent. It was pleasantly funny to see the recorded interview between myself and Factory Records supremo the late Tony Wilson where I was a bit pissed off at the Mondays constant absentiesm when it came to radio interviews. Then I wondered why on earth did I ever even attempt at getting the Mondays any interviews. As lovable as they were they were usually so wrecked they couldn’t speak anyway and having to go and collect them to take them to radio interviews was hardly my easiest promo task. Ah they don’t make pop combos like that anymore. A totally wonderful band  but no suprise they never won anything at The Brits. they didn’t have a ‘Best band from  another planet’ category. Best International artist didn’t cover the galaxy.

Maybe the Mondays were the last of the great bands, part of a pedigree of bands that work in a totally unique, unconventional manner. What they were had just as much to do with being with a label like Factory. No other label would have been able to allow them to develop in to what they became, they wouldn’t have had the patience and they would have tired of their antics and dumped them. It’s the exact same scenario as A and M Records and EMI, they had no idea what to do with The Sex Pistols so they let them go. They are both bands who know what they are doing and need a label to support them but to leave them to their own ‘artistic’ devices bizarre as they may seem. Both acts worked because of Factory and because of Virgin and because their A and R people understood they were a little different from everyone else. Thank God.

What in the world compels her to keep trying to sustain a career that went years ago? Surely it’s not the money and why would you want your precious little reputation tarnished?  It all sucks, especially when you read what her publicist says to defend her. ‘The audience loved her, there were 8.000 in Brisbane and 12,000 in Sydney. There were more at pearl Harbor and that didn’t make it  a good night. Yes Whitters they turned up but they started to leave.  Any clues there Mr Publicist? It means you’re either not having a good time or possibly they all left to catch the last bus home?

As long as she trawls her scrawny ass out I’m watching her. And everything I hear from everywhere, except Clive boy says you suck. What I don’t understand is that someone with Clive Davis’ ego should want to see this woman continue. Even though I can’t stand him nowadays there was a period when Clive Davis was a mover and a shaker in the music business and now he puts his reputation to the test so that me and many others look at him and think, he’s lost the plot.

The underlying truth here is that this is a business where some people just can’t let go. Where others are successful and slowly slip away for whatever reason, others just can’t do that. Whitney Houston just cannot accept that like most things in the entertainment industry there is a shelve like and you’ve had it. You’ve become very shelfish.

I’m just glad they haven’t come up with a ‘Lifetime Whinger’ award for Whitney Houston or ‘The Lifetime Ego’ award for Clive Davis. In fact it would need to be  ’The Clive Davis Award’ so Clive can come up on stage to present it to himself every year, and then when he pops it Whitney can come up and accept it posthumously on his behalf and tell us how he will always be missed. ‘I will always love me.’ Clive’s cover version of Whitney’s cover of Dolly’s song. (Parton the pun.)

The funny thing is I didn’t see the whole of The Brits but I saw enough on You Tube and read various reports all saying the same thing as it’s said every year. It is what it is, but does is what it is make it what it should be? The problem is we don’t have anything to celebrate now, no one’s buying records so the only way they can get anyone to watch a show is to put the only artists on who sell anything. So then we are left with a show to showcase the artists who’s records we have already bought.

You’d be tempted to call the proceedings ’safe’ if it wasn’t for the predictable controversy of ‘anarchy.’ We’d had the water thrown over John Prescott outrage. We’ve had the Michael Jackson carry on from Jarvis Cocker. We’ve had the Sam Fox, Mick Fleetwood great presenters of our time show. We’ve had the lot but they always manage to find something that will make it to the papers. But didn’t you expect it the moment Liam Gallagher stepped up on the stage, that sweet aroma of predictability where he wants to grow old disgracefully and The Brits is the place to do it. I saw him swagger up and I was going ‘Go on Liam do something outrageous, be respectful and say what a fantastic ride Oasis had been.’ Thank others for allowing you your own bit of the limelight but no he did the most obvious thing possible. He was Liam twenty years on.

He wasn’t there to celebrate anything, he just thought he needed a bit of attention and he knew the media would lap it up. But now when you’ve been and gone wouldn’t it have been more outrageous then to do something not outrageous? People would have given him a rousing reception but he’d rather take the swipes, it’s mens work. How utterly ludicrous to thank his band apart from the one person who allowed their very existence. Why would we have ever wanted another swaggering monkey when we still had the King Monkey himself, Ian Brown?  And let’s face it Ian Brown has always been and still is cooler than Liam Gallagher. Sorry Liam you worked well in the band as a front man but all the tired tactics? It’s no longer relevant.

Maybe you should have kissed Robbie Williams live at The Brits. Damn, I’ve given them an idea for next year. it if not for whom it wouldn’t have been much of a band.

Did it ever occur to anyone that nothing lasts forever?  Even if you don’t like Simon Cowell, and although personally I do then give  him one thing,  give him the credit on timing. His American Idol exit is precision timing. Look how well it worked for Little Britain and better still Basil Fawlty, knowing when to quit and sticking by your decision no matter how much money you’re offered. Seinfeld was another, wild horses wouldn’t drag him back and the residuals  for the rest of his life and beyond were more than ample. Who needs the cash apart from NBC of course. People like to have something to remember and sustaining respect and the loyalty from your fans is all about knowing when to back away and them remembering you as part of something that revolutionized television, something that was what it was because of you. They remember you for that and if it starts to decline they don’t remember you at all. The ship sinks, you drown in it. But Simon will be gone by then so if the good ship Idol were to sink he will be known as the reason it sunk. And the reason it sailed was because of him. Touche, his adoring crowd will always remember him fondly.

Great TV stars, film stars, maybe even porn stars are the ones who understand shelf life, formerly known as artist integrity. Otherwise known as sharp cookies. More in tune with longevity and not grabbing what they can while they can, like all good artists they have confidence in their own ability. They like to reinvent themselves and take on new challenges, they don’t want everything on a plate and then wonder when the plate is taken from underneath them. No more gruel Scrooge, get back to the kitchen and cook it up all over again.

We’re a live for the moment generation, too afraid that our star will cease to shine and someone else will be grabbing at our coat tails. Where are the managers hell bent on sustaining that pedigree of artist who is there on merit. And when did merit and ability and the desire to succeed ever go away? The greedy came along and robbed us and once they got in they kept coming back to rob us more and more. Talent is there to be discovered, nurtured and then made available to the masses to see just what it was that got us attracted to them in the first place. It’s never about throwing a herd of wannabes in a multitude of car parks spread across a continent so that a wizard of pop can dictate who does what with you, when and for how long. Then it’s out of the car park and back on the bus to oblivion because foolishly, for one minute you thought you had what it took. The bare faced cheek to turn up.

I started to think deeper though, dangerous in itself and about the future of American Idol in general which will not stand or fall by Ellen DeGenerative, successful or otherwise. Soon the Ellen novelty will have worn off and we’ll be back to all the speculation around who will replace Simon Cowell because you have to remember that Ellen is only Paula’s replacement. Fortunately Ellen has a very lucrative career independent of Idol and won’t ever be known as ‘Paula’s replacement.’ Perish the thought,  sounds like the person thrust in to the Big Brother house when a previous contestant was exposed as being an albino dwarf who ran an illicit opium den for transvestite oil sheiks.

Interestingly enough there’s been talk of Howard Stern, and while I love Howard I don’t think so. American Idol?  He’d rather judge a porn pagent, it’s more interesting for him and anyway the after show parties would be a lot more fun. He would probably be totally scathing on Idol when he saw what they had parading in front of him and how much talent there was. That would terrify possible future contestants though also, living in fear of the wrath of Howard Stern. Oh my God, he’d tear then apart limb to limb. Howard Stern’s career is built entirely on doing what the fuck he wants and he would cater to no one. Where Simon is now motivated by sustaining his vast wealth and even adding to it, Stern is still a maverick and further and further away from the establishment. Fox doing a deal with Howard Stern, I don’t think so or if he did he’d want everything Rupert Murdoch owned. You’ll never have any Grannies thinking Howard’s sweet  or funny or cute and that alone eliminates any thoughts of mass appeal. American Idol is not about taking risks, there is too much at stake now. It’s all about the ratings because the ratings give them infinite power, the power to make even more money and that is all it’s about. Don’t tell me they’re building careers because they’re not with the exception of maybe two or three out of hundreds of thousands.I think that’s called the law of averages and a mean one in the worse sense of the word! And let us not forget there is no hiding the fact that their king is abdicating.

Elton John has been mentioned too, I think he’d be good but again it’s probably everything he despises and he certainly doesn’t need it. Elton broke because he had more than every ‘idol’ put together and then some. He didn’t need a Simon manufactured makeover that’s for sure, he mastered his own class and he has survived because he’s as far away from being manipulated by this industry as anyone. Elton knows what makes Elton become known, and remembered. He considered himself a writer but not a lyricist and got a very good one in Bernie Taupin. It’s a collaboration that has lasted to this day. Will that be Simon Cowell and Westlife in forty years?  Mmm somehow I think not. That’s the thing we don’t have nowadays, artists having the creative flair for knowing who to work with rather than being told who you ARE working with. Artists even knowing who they are and ultimately what they want. American Idol contestants are there because they want someone to do it all for them and then when they don’t get selected their world subsides.

Do the lottery it’s a safer bet.

Must confess though I love Lady Ga Ga, she’s outrageous like Elton was at her age and the flamboyancy and outrage works a treat. It’s entertainment and she can do that because her performances can back it up, she’s pretty damn good. She has the talent. I was going to congratulate Taylor Swift because she’ s had a brilliant year and she deserves the credit because she too is a talented young lady but she marred her night by singing live. Shame but it just didn’t work and poor old Stevie Nicks looked a little confused when they were dueting on Rhiannon. Stevie cut it and poor old Taylor didn’t, we’ll excuse her though because she still has a great career ahead of her. Just be careful where you choose to sing live.

Pink was as expected quite spectacular and quite a performance for a trapeze act. Worked though. We seem to be surrounded by females creating a sensation nowadays and especially since the millenium they have taken center stage in the pop arena. Apart from the ones I’ve mentioned we have Beyonce,  Rhianna, Fergie, Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, lest we forget Sarah Mclachlan, Dido and a whole host more. All selling records too, very interesting in today’s market. The greatest thing of all though is that each one of those female artists is entirely different from the other and still manages to be successful. Come on boys, time to catch up. And better still we don’t have a hundred girl bands all sounding the same. Thank God!

This guy is totally delusional at the thought of his own invincibility, his entire life is spent sorting deals out to bring him even more dosh and now in the style of Tiger he’s looking like his life is over. His life of course being his wallet, he doesn’t seem to care too much about his wife and family and just hopes one day he’ll get the captaincy back. Mmm, dream on, to not even think he would be sacked?  What was he thinking that he didn’t even have the suss to resign? Oh I think that’s called dignity and bowing down, something you don’t do when you’re the captain of England, or at least in his eyes. After all everyone else are lesser mortals. Arrogant or what?

And slavering over your former team mate’s missus is pretty low especially when he thought you were his mate. In fact his wife was your mate really wasn’t she? Biblically you proved that.  I bet the rest of the team hire a bus to follow him home after training now. He has to be getting a few odd stares from them now as the full extent of his philandering has been revealed.

And all he seems worried about is that the publicity will hamper his earnings. Damn right it will and he deserves all he’s got coming. Just like Tiger thought he’d be OK, he wasn’t and now who would want to attach their name to a shamed ex England captain who’d lost his job cos of his knob? This guy takes the biscuit for sheer unadulterated greed as he has abused his position as our national team captain to line his pockets with as much money as possible. He really is despicable and pretty dumb too if you ask me to think he would get away with it. It’s a wonder he has the time to play football, maybe if they drop him he can pull his wages still and go around doing more deals. I can just see him rubbing his hands at the prospect, ‘Durgh I never thought of that’.

I think his arrogance has made the News of the World dig their teeth in even deeper, they aren’t going to let go by any stretch of the imagination. Let’s see how this affects his form because I’m sure there’s going to be a few sleepless nights when he comes to terms with the hurt he will feel, not for his wife but for his wallet. Sponsors will line up to be first out of the door.

What is it that we now create such self obssesed monsters.They get paid so much money and all they want is more, more, more. Whether it’s the boy who didn’t quite make it to Harvard, Carlos Tevez, Tiger ‘Shagnasty’ Woods or anyone else you care to mention there seems to be a pattern. They really do believe they have the right to do what they want and behave whatever way they see fit. And seeing fit nowadays is proving you are positively unfit to be the role model you pretend you are. “Role model?’ More like a roll in the sack with a model.

And then they think that the media should respect their privacy? They seem to be unable to realize that they forfeit that privacy when you display affections for some teammates wife. No one was following him on holiday with his family or hounding the kids by taking pictures, no they respected that as private but behaving badly is public domain.

Each week I think the press is going to be after another one now, though I have to admit trapping Terry is a gem of a find and will take some beating. They need to find an aging international who’s had unprotected sex with a farm animal and given birth to a flock of wayward geese.

In an age when the print media is suffering the News of the World are clever enough to realise nothing sells copy like a story like this embalzoned on their front page. It just looks a bigger scoop and much more scandalous when it’s glaring off a newstand than on your computer screen. And now they have their teeth in people will keep coming back for more. He’s become a laughing stock although he’s too cocky to probably realize it, just look at what happened to poor old David Beckham when he ineffectually stuck out a boot and tripped some Latino knobhead up in the World Cup. He was hounded from ground to ground week after week, vilified and still he rose above it all to become a better footballer and person. He handled it well because he’s a better equipped celeb than Terry. There’s the rub.

Because John Terry wears shorts and kicks a ball doesn’t make him a real celebrity, it makes him famous. But axe murderers are famous too aren’t they?  More like notorious if you want my opinion. You don’t, to hell with you you’re getting it anyway, no real celebs step up to the table and admit when they’ve done wrong, they don’t run around and try to instigate a cover up when they’ve been found out. This isn’t Watergate, skip. Sorry I mean ex skip.

I hope they impeach him and that Portuguese team conquering slapper disappears up her own publicity with all her melons.