‘Well I Can’t tell you what I think I can do if I hadn’t heard it can I?’ ‘No, I just need you to get them on the radio, I need interviews and I need them on daytime. This is Loius Walsh and Ronan’s new boy band. They’re going to be huge.’ I paused, was I hearing him correctly? He was asking me to get a band no one had heard of or heard anything by, least of all me, on the radio to be interviewed! He had to be kidding. I’m sure this was him out to prove to Louis Walsh who had chosen to sign his band to Simon just what he could do. I uttered the same curiousity, ‘You are joking aren’t you?’

I was wasting my time. We were destined for a trip round the houses by way of anything resembling a conversation. Simon Cowell wanted me to call local radio stations, stations that rarely played anything that weren’t hits and set up a bunch of radio interviews with a boy band no one had ever heard of. He didn’t think it mattered that the radio promotion guy, never mind the radio station had been allowed to hear them.

It makes me laugh now but the look on Lee and the others who I had working for me was hilarious. I put the phone down and shouted across the room. ‘Are you ready for this? Simon Cowell wants us to get interviews for Westlife.’ Reverberating across the room came the reply’ Who the fuck are Westlife.’ Oh I wish I’d have said that to Simon! All for one and one for all we couldn’t believe what he was asking of us. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, trust me there isn’t a conversation we need to go and do it.

You couldn’t reason with Simon over something like this. Never mind Randy Jackson, enter THE dog with his bone, Westlife. Just to think, Boyzone, the only band ever through generations to be a serious threat to Val Doonican were heading for longer woolier jumpers and semi retirement and he (Simon Cowell) had a grip on his babies. And we were the babysitters. He was in diaper heaven. Herein began his stampede and complete domination of the pop charts. He had previously done an amazing job with Robson and Jerome, more of which I’ll recite later, had some continued success with 5ive but now he had the one that he thought would do it for him. Unlike Robson and Jerome who took a lot of persuading, kidnapping, harrasing all by his own admission as they were successful actors and already stars. Simon needed them to make a record , they couldn’t give a toss!

Writing about this all (and they’ll be other stories I’m sure!) makes me smile and makes me understand even more what was it that made Simon Cowell different from the rest. He doesn’t understand the word no! To make it even more hilarious is that we managed to get some interviews for Westlife although we needed Ronan Keating in there as well doing the interviews, that maybe swung it a little as he was ‘famous pretty’ instead of ‘who the fuck are you pretty.’  Hell, what I am saying. None of them are pretty to me. I’d like to think though that the radio stations were doing it for us and not for Westlife or for Simon Cowell. In those days people knew who we were when you called the radio stations and hadn’t a clue who Simon was. How funny is that, if he had tried to call people directly they probably wouldn’t have taken his call!

There’s a lot going on and I’m really lucky to have a team of highly talented people around me to help me with the stuff I’m totally crap at. I just found out I’m shit at a bunch of things but it’s the more technical stuff really thats take me an eternity to get my head round. I love what it can do but I get frustrated at the time it takes to get it right. I’m amazed to watch people do ’stuff.’ Wow, cool is getting cooler. Wouldn’t it be cooler than the cool of cool if someone invented ‘non nerd voice recognition pro tools.’ Software that you can say ‘Edit the stuff out where I sound a twat’ and it does. Mmmm dangerous though, letting a machine decide your level of incompetence. Anyway I think I know what i’m trying to say. Read on and you all might get a chance.

In fact my techo slow go is why I never became a producer. The band would have written another album before I’d recorded the first. Maybe I’m good at people and not machines? That’s OK. If you get on with a computer and you work well you can’t go grab a beer together after work can you? As it happens I like people, a few have let me down over the years but that happens. You dust yourself down and move on. Another slice of life, a stab at growing up. Shit, I don’t want to do that!

You’re lucky you’re at the end of a computer screen, I’m unbearable right now. I’m so excited about where we’re going with all this, so totally fired up and the people I’m working with all are here for the ride too. They can identify my crap better than I can identify it myself. They’re crap savvy. Position people where they work best and everyone benefits. It’s what motivates us all, we are seeing it all start to take shape.

Interpersonal skills are what got me this far, I think. And if they didn’t then I’m fucked because I’ll have no one to talk to. I even want to teach people about people now. How to work with those you admire and how to tolerate those you don’t. Music schools teach students to be adept at pro tools but that’s no good if you don’t know how to interact with a human being. Who’s going to want to work with anyone who’s a plank?

It’s a bit early so I’m all over the place. I’m currently writing to do lists  but it’s a bit early for that too. I can’t read some of them and I can’t find the others.

And now the sun’s coming up.

Later.

Here’s a little something/someone we have all encountered. No apologies if you’re in the chosen category.

The Asshole

Identifying the asshole

The music business is full of assholes. Right, like accountancy, education, coal mining and water polo aren’t and not to mention fencing, waste management and a thousand other work places. Problem is spotting them. Assholes can attract assholes too…bottom line (every pun intended!)

No one likes working with an asshole. It’s much harder to be personable and affable than to be a jerk. Sadly however, the asshole has a problem identifying this. That’s why they’re an asshole. To them they are misunderstood, it’s others are being awkward, uncooperative and generally just not prepared to help. It isn’t because they necessarily disagree with them, they don’t want to be in the same room as them. The appearance of the asshole at a gathering or function is not welcome, they are not liked and people don’t want to do business with them. Make you’re excuses and leave, it’ll end in tears anyway.

Lonely is the asshole

Now the asshole is left wanting, they are insecure. The asshole has no purpose, no one loves them. If they can’t realize people don’t like them then it’s not your job to fix it. If you employed them it is, now who’s the asshole.

He who shouts the loudest is often heard the least.

Those who are belligerent and obnoxious are to be avoided, they feel that shouting gets them heard. Getting heard and being noticed are two entirely different things. People who scream and shout are probably the type who get the runaround at home. They come to work pissed off and need to vent their fury and it’s usually some quite unassuming character that gets the brunt of it.

I’d been married to Marie for around 4 or 5 years I think and we’d been living just a few miles away in a great little semi detached house in a suburb of South Manchester called Heald Green, the likes of whom Bono had already frequented. I remember one promotional tour around the ‘Boy’ album in particular when we had done a fairly hectic day of interviews and we arrived back at my house(sorry houses were nameless in the 70’s) around 3am after a miserable drive back from Newcastle. It had been raining all day and when we got in we were completely wired, we’d been talking all the time and sleep was the last thing on our minds. Let’s listen to some music we agreed. I had an enormous record collection but most of it was upstairs and I didn’t want to wake Marie so Bono rummaged through what was in cluttering up the living room. It still looked like a record store, albums leaning against the wall and our brand new Sony Betamax video player racked in and ready to go.

I’d taped a bunch of stuff from the Old Grey Whistle Test as well as all the Fawlty Towers so we were never short on entertainment for whoever might turn up, and even back then they did! Bono had a good look through almost everything and started to read a book I had on Bob Dylan. He was fascinated and spent a good hour buried in it when I turned to him and said ‘Oi, here’s a bloke from round your way you should hear if you already haven’t. I slapped Van Morrison on the turntable, it was Astral Weeks. Enough said, who wouldn’t be blown away. It still remains to this day one of the finest records I’ve ever heard.

To be fair to the sprightly young Dubliner I was a little older, he had been brought up on punk and was a big Joy Division fan so obviously there wasn’t much point putting something on he was already familiar with and anyway my record collection was always going to be better than his!

Tony was introducing a couple of items to camera and while we stood waiting in the wings we were informed that in two minutes they’d cut to a filmed item and that was our cue. We’d then be taken us on to the set for the interview and miked up. They looked very excited and were whispering to each other and giggling in what appeared mild Japanese flirtatious behavior.’Let’s go’ came the cry and on we danced.

The studio floor assistant clipped a couple of microphones on their lapels, Tony smiled at them, someone shouted ‘30 seconds left’ then ‘15′ and ‘go!’ I eased a sigh of relief, I knew ‘What’s on’ had the video because even in the mayhem I’d phoned ahead to check and as we were there on time no one need know how close we’d come to disaster. Tony voiced a link in to their current video, mentioned where the band would be playing and actually held up the sleeve of the single. Brilliant, much more of a plug for a relatively unknown act than I ever could have expected so I was more than happy. ‘ 30 seconds’ again came the cry, this time until the end of the video.’And action !’

Tony back announced the video made a mildly humorous comment, mentioned the forthcoming gig once more and The Plastics were on, LIVE ! ‘In the studio tonight I’m delighted to have singer Chica and guitarist Hajime from Japan’s latest sensation, The Plastics making their debut on UK television. ‘Welcome guys and thanks for popping in’. ‘Hello, Hi’ they uttered back through smiling, excitable grins and shiny white teeth’

‘ So what do you think of Manchester, have you had any time to look round yet?’ Tony spouted. There was a gap, probably 10 seconds , felt like an hour for me…they glanced at each other, Chica smiled and Hajime said ‘I like Beatle’ Pause, another gap, though not quite as long and Tony asked them a question about the album. Not a clue what, I just remember it was another question, another gap and again an even better smile from Chica. Hajime once again uttered ‘I like Beatle’ What the fuck, you like Beatle I was thinking. Who cares, what has that got to do with anything?

There was another gap, you couldn’t blame him but Tony expected something to follow on from ‘I like Beatle’ Nothing, not a soddin’ thing. He glanced over at me looking confused in the wings and like the complete pro he was said ‘Great video, let’s see a little more.’ And out from the director’s box they cut to the video, again.

We were the final item on the show so they played out with the video, Tony unclipped his microphone and headed straight towards me. ‘ Absolute classic, only you could bring a band in who couldn’t speak a word of fuckin’ English.’

Nowadays, where you need the artist to do so much for themselves ,it’s the role of manager that has changed. At the top end you need a powerful, influential manager who can act as the buffer between the artist and the record company. Where the record company might want to exert their influence because they have money invested, the manager can ensure protecting their act. Record companies will want to pressurize them to deliver records to suit their projected quarterly targets as a successful act is their lifeline there. No good manager would ever allow that and where they have good management, the record company would be less inclined to ask.

At the other end where the act is unknown it is difficult to secure good management. Some of the more reputable ones are ‘full up’ with no room to take on new acts. Sad but true, it’s the smaller acts that often require the greater work. An unknown manager without a reputation is going to find it hard to get to record companies. Apart from them signing fewer and fewer acts, they rarely listen to unsolicited material. What that effectively means is if they don’t know you they won’t listen to what you have. In defense of the record companies, they simply don’t have the resource any longer to wade through endless CD’s of mostly crap artists. With regard to the better managers, it is very hard to spend all the time you need to on an act that is earning you nothing, and at the expense of the one that is. They could get very pissed off and that could jeopardize their managerial position with them. Whichever way you turn you can’t win, but at least the good are wise to that.

I remember people like Ray Cooper, during his time at Circa sending me tapes of Massive Attack and Neneh Cherry and asking me to put together a plan of what we should do with them in the regions and then leaving me to it. Every new artist you were promoting you had the opportunity of working with on the road, hours spent in the car driving between radio stations gave you a sense of what they were about, what made them tick, you got to know them…and I really thought it gave you a greater chance of promoting them in a more efficient manner. You wouldn’t bother to book them in with people where you didn’t think they would benefit. You’d be doing them a favor. I aways remember taking Hue and Cry, another Circa act in to a radio station in Newcastle and the first question from smiley DJ was ‘How long have you guys known each other?’ They were twins. Pat’s reply was never broadcast. I take the blame on that one, setting them up an interview with someone who couldn’t even be bothered to read the biography I’d sent him. Whilst you can pass the blame, you need to accept responsibility. Sorry boys, I got caught out on that one!

Plugging then was working very closely with managers. One band I worked with on that level as closely as I did with anyone was U2 but plenty of time to come back to that. Suffice to say they were probably the easiest, most dedicated, personable and professional outfit I ever worked with. It was hardly a suprise when success came their way. But who ever would have thought to quite that extent !

All this goes back to artist development which I have bleated on about in a previous blog. My job, as much as getting records played on the radio was about helping build careers and increasing their profile. You’d take them on radio tours, if their music suited you’d try and get them playing acoustically. Every time you took them in to do something it was an opportunity for them to meet new people, build a media fan base. It never got their records on the playlist but I believed if you had five or six records vying for that one place and the head of music had met the artist then it might swing it for you.

Driving artists around allowed you to explain what it was you did, how you went about promoting them. I thought if they understood that then it helped their knowing what radio could do for them and what was expected of them. Again U2 wanted to know everything about everyone, they made a point of trying to find out what everyone’s job entailed.

The Manchester Poly show was a good one for U2. Wylie had pulled a few fans down from Liverpool and there was a presentable local turnout so they got to play in front of a good few people which is more than can be said for the next time they played Manchester, upstairs in a pub in Shudehill, I think maybe it was the Beach Club. There were 9 people there, three of whom were with me! The band soundchecked around 9pm and people were starting to leave thinking that was it. We had to drag them back and tell them they weren’t on til 11pm. Maybe there were only 7 left when they finally played but U2 being as they are played like it was a full house. They always did that right from the very start. Everyone who came, no matter how small a crowd were treated to a full show, no exceptions. I think out of everyone I ever saw and most certainly everyone I ever worked with they had a very special bond with their audience. They never lost that, everyone who saw them then still goes to see them now, plus maybe a few others!

After the show had finished we stuck our heads behind to say hello. The band were very excited because Mark Radcliffe the local DJ was there and they were keen to hear what he thought. We both remember them as being very personable, polite and just thrilled to meet everyone and anyone they could, Bono especially. He always wanted to get out front as soon as posssible and meet the fans. It wasn’t long before he knew some of them by name.

I also remember after every show he would always say ‘How was it, what did you think?’ They’d always sit around after gig and have a band meeting so they sort of knew the answer but always asked those who mattered most, the fans. Tonight they were asking us and we said we enjoyed it, because we had. In his perpetual quest to grab the audience’s attention Bono had grabbed on to some pipes directly above him on stage and had been swinging from them. They were central heating pipes and his hands were red raw. Wrapped up in the moment he probably hadn’t noticed at the time but we certainly had.

Having had a good night and met the boys we said our farewells and left. It was pissing down with rain outside so we made a dash for the car, or at least where we thought we’d left the car. Gone, the damn thing had been stolen and we stood there cursing in the rain. We headed back and in to the gig to call the police and report it, more for the insurance than any likelyhood of ever getting it back. The band were still out front talking to the audience and Bono and The Edge, followed closely by Adam and Larry a couple of moments later came over to ask why we were back.

My lasting memories of the show were of Mark cursing the theft of his car, ‘Fookin bastards, I’ll kill ‘em if I ever get hold of ‘em,’ blah blah and these young Irish kids showing so much concern and listening intently. Bless!

U2 came on around 8-30pm and as Wah Heat had been creating a bit of a buzz there was a decent turn out. We’d already arrived by then and were downing a couple of pints at the bar. We turned round to see and there before us were a bunch of awkard looking kids doing what bands do, re tuning, a bit of a bass drum thumping away and the singer adjusting his mike stand. ‘We’re U2 and we’re from Dublin.’ Little did I know that this was the beginning of an amazing journey for all of us.

We moved down nearer to the front so we could get a good look, if we made the effort to come and see them then I don’t see the point in propping up the bar. There’s seeing a band and there’s being at the bar, hardly the same thing. They sounded like they should have done, raw but with a lot of energy and most of it coming from their singer. The guy, who even then went by the name of Bono had such a determined, almost demonic look about him you could see his sole ambition was to make sure everyone know who they were by the time they left the stage. And bad boots and haircut were helping, but not maybe in the way he had planned.

Boots aside, he did this by repeating who they were another couple more times, lauding up Wylie and his mob, telling us they had a record contract and also that their producer was Martin Hannett. This prompted a curious glance at each other from me and Mark and a certain’ tell us more?’ Hannett had produced Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures and Radcliffe had recently recorded a session with them for his show on Piccadilly Radio  but neither of us knew he’d made a record with this lot. Mark was a big Joy Division fan, he’d even called his show ‘Transmission’ after their epic. After announcing their association with Hannett they went on to play the track he’d done with them, what was to be their forthcoming single ‘11 o’clock tick tock’

Wow this was a bit special, an extraordinary sound and particularly from this slightly gauntish, again fairly awkward guitar player, The Edge. He played an unusual Gibson Explorer guitar and moved it around his torso like he was feeling every note. His sound even back then was quite unique and we both loved what he was doing. By now we were both starting to look a lot more at what was going on up there onstage. Fairly charismatic singer, original and very impressive guitar sound, and then the rhythm section. Larry was the James Dean of the band, a real beauty that had all the girls in the audience nudging each other and a very competent drummer who was just learning with every show. And then came Adam. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Adam was the least talented back then and to see how he has blossomed in to his look and the feel he has for his bass now is quite amazing. I don’t think anyone saw that one coming!

It reminded me of my bass playing youth, the ability, not the haircut which I will have to come back to. I was hell bent on being a rock star, not just me but all my friends and especially my bandmates. Myself our drummer Kenny, and legendary singer Sudi always came up with the band names and mighty fine they were too!  I vividly remember ‘ Dwarf Cornell’ which I’m sure was mine! Oh I have to stop and keep this blog deserving of it’s own place, too fond a memory to absorb within Adam Clayton’s haircut methinks.