I’m just glad they haven’t come up with a ‘Lifetime Whinger’ award for Whitney Houston or ‘The Lifetime Ego’ award for Clive Davis. In fact it would need to be  ’The Clive Davis Award’ so Clive can come up on stage to present it to himself every year, and then when he pops it Whitney can come up and accept it posthumously on his behalf and tell us how he will always be missed. ‘I will always love me.’ Clive’s cover version of Whitney’s cover of Dolly’s song. (Parton the pun.)

The funny thing is I didn’t see the whole of The Brits but I saw enough on You Tube and read various reports all saying the same thing as it’s said every year. It is what it is, but does is what it is make it what it should be? The problem is we don’t have anything to celebrate now, no one’s buying records so the only way they can get anyone to watch a show is to put the only artists on who sell anything. So then we are left with a show to showcase the artists who’s records we have already bought.

You’d be tempted to call the proceedings ’safe’ if it wasn’t for the predictable controversy of ‘anarchy.’ We’d had the water thrown over John Prescott outrage. We’ve had the Michael Jackson carry on from Jarvis Cocker. We’ve had the Sam Fox, Mick Fleetwood great presenters of our time show. We’ve had the lot but they always manage to find something that will make it to the papers. But didn’t you expect it the moment Liam Gallagher stepped up on the stage, that sweet aroma of predictability where he wants to grow old disgracefully and The Brits is the place to do it. I saw him swagger up and I was going ‘Go on Liam do something outrageous, be respectful and say what a fantastic ride Oasis had been.’ Thank others for allowing you your own bit of the limelight but no he did the most obvious thing possible. He was Liam twenty years on.

He wasn’t there to celebrate anything, he just thought he needed a bit of attention and he knew the media would lap it up. But now when you’ve been and gone wouldn’t it have been more outrageous then to do something not outrageous? People would have given him a rousing reception but he’d rather take the swipes, it’s mens work. How utterly ludicrous to thank his band apart from the one person who allowed their very existence. Why would we have ever wanted another swaggering monkey when we still had the King Monkey himself, Ian Brown?  And let’s face it Ian Brown has always been and still is cooler than Liam Gallagher. Sorry Liam you worked well in the band as a front man but all the tired tactics? It’s no longer relevant.

Maybe you should have kissed Robbie Williams live at The Brits. Damn, I’ve given them an idea for next year. it if not for whom it wouldn’t have been much of a band.

This guy is totally delusional at the thought of his own invincibility, his entire life is spent sorting deals out to bring him even more dosh and now in the style of Tiger he’s looking like his life is over. His life of course being his wallet, he doesn’t seem to care too much about his wife and family and just hopes one day he’ll get the captaincy back. Mmm, dream on, to not even think he would be sacked?  What was he thinking that he didn’t even have the suss to resign? Oh I think that’s called dignity and bowing down, something you don’t do when you’re the captain of England, or at least in his eyes. After all everyone else are lesser mortals. Arrogant or what?

And slavering over your former team mate’s missus is pretty low especially when he thought you were his mate. In fact his wife was your mate really wasn’t she? Biblically you proved that.  I bet the rest of the team hire a bus to follow him home after training now. He has to be getting a few odd stares from them now as the full extent of his philandering has been revealed.

And all he seems worried about is that the publicity will hamper his earnings. Damn right it will and he deserves all he’s got coming. Just like Tiger thought he’d be OK, he wasn’t and now who would want to attach their name to a shamed ex England captain who’d lost his job cos of his knob? This guy takes the biscuit for sheer unadulterated greed as he has abused his position as our national team captain to line his pockets with as much money as possible. He really is despicable and pretty dumb too if you ask me to think he would get away with it. It’s a wonder he has the time to play football, maybe if they drop him he can pull his wages still and go around doing more deals. I can just see him rubbing his hands at the prospect, ‘Durgh I never thought of that’.

I think his arrogance has made the News of the World dig their teeth in even deeper, they aren’t going to let go by any stretch of the imagination. Let’s see how this affects his form because I’m sure there’s going to be a few sleepless nights when he comes to terms with the hurt he will feel, not for his wife but for his wallet. Sponsors will line up to be first out of the door.

What is it that we now create such self obssesed monsters.They get paid so much money and all they want is more, more, more. Whether it’s the boy who didn’t quite make it to Harvard, Carlos Tevez, Tiger ‘Shagnasty’ Woods or anyone else you care to mention there seems to be a pattern. They really do believe they have the right to do what they want and behave whatever way they see fit. And seeing fit nowadays is proving you are positively unfit to be the role model you pretend you are. “Role model?’ More like a roll in the sack with a model.

And then they think that the media should respect their privacy? They seem to be unable to realize that they forfeit that privacy when you display affections for some teammates wife. No one was following him on holiday with his family or hounding the kids by taking pictures, no they respected that as private but behaving badly is public domain.

Each week I think the press is going to be after another one now, though I have to admit trapping Terry is a gem of a find and will take some beating. They need to find an aging international who’s had unprotected sex with a farm animal and given birth to a flock of wayward geese.

In an age when the print media is suffering the News of the World are clever enough to realise nothing sells copy like a story like this embalzoned on their front page. It just looks a bigger scoop and much more scandalous when it’s glaring off a newstand than on your computer screen. And now they have their teeth in people will keep coming back for more. He’s become a laughing stock although he’s too cocky to probably realize it, just look at what happened to poor old David Beckham when he ineffectually stuck out a boot and tripped some Latino knobhead up in the World Cup. He was hounded from ground to ground week after week, vilified and still he rose above it all to become a better footballer and person. He handled it well because he’s a better equipped celeb than Terry. There’s the rub.

Because John Terry wears shorts and kicks a ball doesn’t make him a real celebrity, it makes him famous. But axe murderers are famous too aren’t they?  More like notorious if you want my opinion. You don’t, to hell with you you’re getting it anyway, no real celebs step up to the table and admit when they’ve done wrong, they don’t run around and try to instigate a cover up when they’ve been found out. This isn’t Watergate, skip. Sorry I mean ex skip.

I hope they impeach him and that Portuguese team conquering slapper disappears up her own publicity with all her melons.

And guess what? Chrissie boy, having bounded in to Larry King’s show a few months ago to ‘apologize’ decided once again, that he should have another right to reply. Like we cared the first time? And MTV opened their door like the reality madhouse they are and let him in. How totally deplorable. I don’t feel it’s disrespectful, which is what others are saying. That isn’t at all appropriate, don’t you have to have respect in the first place in order to disrespect it?

This showdown was fast becoming a battle of the brands. She has a career, his was falling apart around him. Guess what baby boy, no one likes an abuser. No matter what talent you have it just shows you up as a lowlife, a bully, a coward and what’s the word? WANKER. I’m sure there’s plenty of us out there putting blog to work and commenting on last night’s circus. She decided to speak after a long period of silence and not only did HE speak, he reacted! Good job she wasn’t around or likely he would have pounced. The tiger would have been cornered once again.

He thought she was wrong, he said it was between him and her and it should be private. OK, big boy then go make your records and keep them private. Don’t release them because if you do then you’re public domain and if you beat the shit out of someone then people have a right to know. Sadly though your public side likes you to be noticed and definitely your bank account does. You wouldn’t want that to take a beating now would you? You wouldn’t want to see that beaten and broken. Oh and by the way if it was that private then why did you go on national TV and talk about it? ……TWICE!

You can smell the PR all around him, you need to do this, and now. They’ll be people wanting to hear your side of the story, why don’t you do it to deflect from her when she’s on Prime Time on ABC. The only thing it will salvage is a few who might have flicked between channels. What is there to explain? You’re a bully and you smacked a woman.

It must be really hard doing interviews when you’re stupid, but if you’re stupid and successful then you have PR. And the PR will get you in front of the right people, they’ll work at finding you the opportunity to redeem yourself. Damn, they forgot that it involves opening your mouth and sounding believable. How could you not feel this had everything to do with him and nothing to do with her. HE GOT CAUGHT OUT, he’s not that smart and he’s trying to claw his way back. Her face hurt but his ego was was really took a beating. All of a sudden people didn’t like him and when you’re used to adoration you can’t bear the thought that you are getting bad publicity. Most of the abusers around get away with it because it doesn’t get reported and it isn’t in the papers, on TV. Thank God some of these cowards get caught out.

I’m thinking the PR people here should have given him a script to learn and told him not to deviate from it. But his ego would never allow that, the media wants to talk to him and he gets to have his say. I’d cringe if I had to put this geezer on TV and worry at what he might come out with. He needs to dance and on a stage. He’s good at that but when you try to dance around questions and interrogation you just ain’t good enough, son. It’s not what you do. And to see how you react to being cornered by a defenseless girl who wanted to know why, when you were going out with her were you texting another girl. How dare you ask me that, how dare you catch me out. If I hit her hard enough she’ll stop interrogating me. Smack, shut the fuck up!

And out come the industry folks would want to try and clean up the shit, keep his career on track. They have a living to make too. Where’s the record company honchos condemning their artist, even sacking him. They daren’t, they have precious few artists who are keeping them in work nowadays as it is. Let’s not kick the shit out of the hand that feeds us.

You have to admire the Chairman of Wigan Athletic Football Club though who sacked that other wanker who smacked a female about because she didn’t accept ‘Who he was!’ It’s always been a killer of a line hasn’t it guys when you have to use that to entice the female of the species. It sounds better than, I’m a twat, I can’t string a sentence together but would you like to have a look at my bank statement before I allow you to shag me. Oh how the footballer is the great Lothario, the real master of seduction. Wasn’t it great the Chairman came out and condemned Stupid Marvin whatshisname  and said he regretted signing him. You’re history, fuck off , you’re sacked.

Starvin Marvin soon we might hope. He thought he could bully and attack if he didn’t get his own way. They slung him inside for 6 months so what’s twathead Brown doing on the tele anyway?

The Insights Collection for which Insights from the Engine Room, lessons learned from rock and roll is the first should be hitting wherever it hits in a matter of a couple of weeks. It’s been fun, even without the tools of the trade.

I am now the proud borrower of a Mac, and after I’d already finished the book. I love it and a big shout out to Peter for the loan, currently freezing in my old homey country of UK (and further north than I was.)

I also had even more excuses,I had family visiting which naturally took up some quality time, after all a guy’s gotta walk his little girl on the beach now hasn’t he? Just in case I thought I might have a spare minute  I decided it was time to move too. All in all a whole new beginning and right now I’m happy with where I’m at..

Oh what I wasn’t happy with was the drains backing up on the hottest day of the year AND with the family still here. The shit really did hit the fan!

Nuff said I’m here and I’m staying, so they’ll be two or three blogs a week and an update on the development from my side of the world. Go get the book when it’s out and I can be kept doing what I like, talking and writing!

Anyway how have you  been?

Book should be out soon, even quicker if I get round to replacing my laptop and a spot of writing in more exotic places than my kitchen.

So here as a sprightly baby of fifteen years old did I get to meet the great Led Zeppelin…

I had tickets to see Led Zeppelin which my friend Ken had bought. They were playing the Free Trade Hall, June 1969 and I could barely contain myself with the excitement. Led Zeppelin in my home town just prior to world domination and I had a seat so near the front I could watch every Jimmy Page grimace and every Robert Plant gyration. I could smell the sweat off Bonzo as he thrashed his drums like a maniac. John Paul Jones’ bass lines went up my leg and in to my belly. This was something else, this was rock heaven. If the bass got so heavy and made me sick at least it was rock puke.

After the show we waited around and asked the old bloke in the foyer (I think they call them security now) if we could take a couple of posters down from the wall. He politely agreed and there we stood with two glorious Zeppelin posters, the one with the orange Zeppelin on the cover.

They didn’t sell merchandise back then so this glorious poster I had before me was set to become a major rarity and worth a small fortune. I got divorced, from wife and poster and the rest is history, or it could have been. Farewell my retirement fund.

We sneaked back in to the empty auditorium and watched as the roadies packed up the equipment. Now this was rock and roll, this was serious. The Marshall speaker stacks were huge, I would have done anything to touch them, even if one could just fall over and land on me. Oh for the blood of Zeppelin.

Suddenly out of nowhere Robert Plant appeared, leant down and nodded at us, ‘Want me to sign those fellahs?’ he asked. Dumb question Robbo, I kept calm secretly wanting to make him feel the pop star. No sooner were we staring at his autograph with deep admiration of the task completed than he waved us to the stage door. Now he wanted to see if we would like to meet the other guys.

I looked at Ken, he looked at me, we looked at Robert (by now he was Robert) I shuffled and wriggled in my Levis to make sure nothing I had expected was going on down there.

Is this for real? I pinched myself, it hurt. This was for real so why couldn’t I believe it? We had been summoned by royal appointment, His Royal Highness, the right honorable Robert Fucking Plant! If the dog had bollock then this was it!!

Led Zeppelin wanted to see us, no one else in the crowd, just us! And never have I EVER used so many exclamation marks in one paragraph! This had to be one of the twelve dreams of Dr Sardonicus, My Dreams of Milk and Honey, The Greatest Story Ever Told.

And I’m not done yet, I will conclude this fab day next time round.

Don’t you just love that ‘Clive Davis loves Whitney’ routine. Every opportunity he drools accolades over her, re invents her , she slides away again(thankfully) then it’s Grammy night and it’s all about the ego, Clive Davis and wheeling Whitney out. ( what a great idea for a board game ‘Wheeling Whitney Out’) He even has his own Clive pre Grammys party. Apparently it’s the place to be. Well it would be, Clive’s there!

I don’t dispute he did things in his day but he just can’t back off. His obsession with creating ’stars’ (the people we now call ’stars.’ The ones who get manufactured and propelled in to pop stardom and then can’t even get a lift to therapy from the ones who created them.) Their ego’s are too vast they have no time for failures. You’re done, I have my ego to take care of, you’re on your own. Clive just won’t let go, he just can’t bear it if he’s not in the spotlight. He’s done alright out of the business but when did the business last do alright by him and his short term pop star? Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson in a decade? They had a leg up but I think they’re fine doing it their way nowadays. Where the hell are the rest? Swept under the carpet so you won’t ever mention their names again. That really would not do!

Urgh, pukesville. What was all that blowing kisses and mouthing ‘I love you’ between the odd couple.GET A ROOM.! What place does that have, except of course, a global audience. I’ll cancel cable when we get The Clive and Whitney show’

The good thing is that it’s over, Clive, Whitney, The Grammys, Clive’s party, Clive’s ‘I’m an icon’ award. All done. Lord only knows what next year’s show has to offer. Maybe it’ll be Coldplay, U2, Clive Davis, Carrie Underwood, the list of inevitables goes on and on and on. Oh and Whitney Houston , her new dress and a new way of blowing kisses to Mr Showbiz.

And finally we had Paul McCartney from the greatest band the music business has, or ever will create, and on this night of the stars and together with a global audience they forgot to mention it was the 45th anniversary of The Beatles debut on The Ed Sullivan show. The rest as they say was history. The other ‘rest’ wasn’t.

The question everyone has is what relevance do they have today? The mere mention of the word ‘Grammy’ used to make you tingle, the big night, night of a thousand stars but now? What I did learn was that NARAS has had the same production team for 30 years…and the same director ! Does he have no shame. Why on earth would he want to attach his name to show ? Silly question, probably for the pay check and none of the grief, leave that to the organizers. It’s formula with a capital F.

These are the ones who seem to think that Stevie Wonder and The Jonas Brothers are a good fit. What the hell does Myley Circus add to Taylor Swift’s song? After all she wrote it and performs it perfectly well by herself, or is it saying let’s be all things to all people. That can be the only explanation for Stevie Wonder and The Jonas Brothers. Next year maybe we’ll have  Lindsay Lohan playing pedal steel guitar with B. B. King., possibly Jay Z and Don Williams. Britney and Obama?The only thing it does is remind me is who she  has for a dad. Billy Ray who?

The sound was appalling. The jury is out on the U2 song. Was it the sound or the song? Personally I was very grateful for the backdrop displaying the lyrics as I didn’t have had a clue what Bono was prancing and singing about. On first hearing it didn’t do it for me. We’ll see, maybe it’ll grow. I like the band and when they go away to make a record I expect the first track they showcase to be a killer. They need to sell a lot of records and now isn’t the time. Good luck guys. No doubt they’ll be glancing over their shoulder and seeing how Bruce performs, how many records he sells even after the Superbowl performance fresh in people’s minds. Time will tell us all, it’ll be tough.

The time came and we congregated at the pre determined meeting point for our journey in to the unknown. I wish I could remember where that meeting point was, let’s say college but I can’t be sure. I do know it was Saturday May 5th. No need for a role call, everyone was there on time. Rucksacks at the ready, a few stale sandwiches, some coke ( a cola that is) and the exciting air of anticipation circling over us. A pop festival here in Lancashire, and in Wigan of all places, somewhere unknown in rock legend and certainly not a landmark on any rock n roll tour!

I’d picked up the van the night before, proudly produced my new driver’s license and drove it home. I parked it on the street so everyone could see it. The following morning I arrived at what I thought was early at our rendezvous point and already half the chosen few were there. Within thirty minutes everyone had turned up, we loaded up people and possessions and were off. I had a map and chose to go on the M6 to get to Wigan, not the quickest route but the biggest, sexiest road for a novice driver. I’d only passed my test a few weeks earlier.

Away we went, merry and singing along the way to the compilation cassette I had put together for the drive. Good stuff, shite voices! The rain was relentless and though I wasn’t speeding it was time to pull past this grubby lorry that was throwing all sorts of shit up at us. I had remembered my highway code and all the rules of the road, to accelerate drop down a gear. I was doing around 55mph by then and as I indicated and pulled out into the center lane I dropped from fourth to third gear( I don’t think fifth had been invented then) Wham! about a dozen bodies came hurtling through and slammed in to the back of our seats with a couple almost flying over it. ‘What the fu…..’ they cried in unison, my only defense being that it had said in the driver’s bible that if you needed to increase your speed drop down a gear. Well I did that. I don’t remember anything about what speed you needed to be doing…

About an hour later and still raining we arrived at our first sign which proudly declared ‘Bickershaw’ left, 3 miles.

It always seems weird and somehow wrong when people retain a name that rightfully they have no claim to, other than they paid for it. Why in fact is it still called Island at all? It irritates me really because Chris Blackwell has nothing to do with anybody that they sign, it’s an insult to his legacy. They could sign a pile of shit and it would sour his reputation (probably not but you get my drift.) I doubt they have a ‘no crap clause in the contract. We’ve paid for it, it’s ours , we’ll do as we see fit. Island Records was his vision and his dream and now it’s a corporate brand that doesn’t make it much different to any other label except that they are using the name.

‘ I am just a dreamer and you are just a dream’… Neil Young ‘Like a hurricane. ‘To all of us that worked there we were dreamers and Chris Blackwell’s Island was our dream.

One man was an Island back then and we were all happy to be shipwrecked there. Chris Blackwell was our Robinson Crusoe and we were all his men/women Fridays. He saved us from EMI,Warner, Sony (CBS as it was back then and Sony/BMG as it is now. And probable Simon/Sony/BMG/Cowell as it’ll end up being known)